alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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