Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize