More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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