Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
