my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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