im drinking this country out of the recession.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
