No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
