I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I have feelings that need drinking.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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