Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
