If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
