I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
