hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
