I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
love makes seman taste better
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
