I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
