I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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