Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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