I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
