I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
