I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
