You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
