All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
