I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
