4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
