i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
