Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
