I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Is it because I queefed?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
