Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
