I want to make a zoo with you.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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