Umm I'm too high to move.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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