he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
