new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
