I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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