Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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