If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize