This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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