wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
