So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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