I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
