Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
