i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
