i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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