So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
