I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
