Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
