I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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