We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
