ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You can't just leave with hair like that
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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