I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
