I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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