i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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