her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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