idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
