i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
