You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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