I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she told me i tasted like america
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
