You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
