kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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