So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
