You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
