I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
