So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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