Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
