I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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