...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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