You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize